Do you know how close I came to being in Boston today?

note: both the title and the body are just a copy and paste of an email I sent to my family last night (at 2:30am). But I wanted to post it here too.

Well, let me tell you.

I should be in bed now. I should have gone to bed an hour ago. But I need to express at least some of my thoughts more than I need to sleep.

I've had my eye on this day ever since I left Boston. Two important things were happening today, Monday, April 15.  First, the temple was open (one of the few holiday Mondays it's open) because it's Patriots Day--a state holiday.  And second, the marathon.

I love watching the Boston Marathon. I went every year I lived in Boston and it has been a fun experience each time.  You know how races are--the adrenaline, the neighborliness with everyone, the energy, everything. And this is The Boston Marathon.  It's one of my favorite things about Boston and I wanted to go again.

So I've been watching the date and hoping it might work.  A couple of weeks ago I planned it out and then revamped it after I got my youth SS calling. I would go to church, then catch the bus that left shortly after and head down.  I'd enjoy an evening in "Egypt"--eat a delicious Egyptian dinner, visit with the Albehessy family.  Then spend the night with Sister and Elder Jorgensen. Go to an early temple session and then head downtown. Maybe meet up with a friend or two and watch the marathon for an hour or so.  Eventually catch a bus back and come into work a few hours late (use some of my credit time). I liked the plan a lot.

But the next day I went to work and there was an email telling us we were going to start a week of training in a new thing. Training started April 15 at 5 pm. No using credit time and coming in a couple of hours late. I was pretty sad about it (even though I knew I didn't have the bus money, which was the only consolation).

That's what I remembered this evening when my friend Meg texted to ensure I was safely in Vermont. Yes, I told her, because I had to be here for work. 

Let's have a pause to fill in here. I'll pretend like Benson is the only one who doesn't know what's happening in the news (I'm sure M&F in Panama do, not so confident with some others...). Today during the Boston Marathon a couple of bombs went off near the finish line. Where thousands of people are packed like sardines into city streets (it takes forever to walk a block in the masses). At least a few people died, well over a hundred injured, with many losing legs (either blown off or amputated later)--mostly spectators were hurt. Thousands of runners still on the course were taken into safety spots and the race ended. Boston is in a state of lock down.

Now, to be honest, even if I'd gone to Boston today I probably would have left by that time, but it's still one more note of sobering.

One more, I say, because it has still affected me a lot. I look at the map on the news and it hurts me. I know that street--I worked on it, walked on it, biked on it, rode the Metro under it. Northeastern is just a little down the road. I know people who ran in the race today and more who watched it. I've watched from just a few yards down, and across the street (if I'd been in my favorite spot I would have felt and seen the explosion).  I'm sad for what happened. I'm sad for what it will do to the future. I just don't know how to explain how I feel.

Today I got the email about RuthAnne's Kyle just a little before I went to work. I cried -- for him, for her, for their girls. So I went to work with that--and then started hearing about Boston. I made it through the evening okay, but as the night went on I just felt exhausted emotionally.

Now, it's time to go to bed. But I have one more thing to say.

When I got home tonight I got on the Internet to read what I could read. Because I just wanted info (especially trying to find details about those killed/injured), I read from several different news sources.   And now I'm sad on a whole other level. As I read and looked at pictures of this horrific event--blood, injury, chaos, the websites around the main article were full of junky, immoral pictures of immodesty. We're not talking about junky news sites either (I don't really expect better from MSN or something). We're talking ABC, CNN, Boston Herald, etc. And it's like soft porn all over them. I usually read my news from New York Times and Economist (which have there own problems with philosophies of men but not the visual trash), so I didn't realize how bad it is. Made the multi-repeated quote about evil finding us, even when we don't seek it, more real. I'm not sure which disturbed me more--the blood all over a street at an event I love or the half-naked, objectified women all over "respectable" news sites.

Yes, I need to go to bed.