Have Experience

I recently summarized up my life this way:  I'm involved in multiple different things, on many fronts, and in almost every case, I'm in a situation that I haven't been in before.  I started to say in over my head, but that's not true (though occasionally it feels like it--especially with all of them).  I'm not in over my head and it's not that I can't handle them, it's just that they're all new situations.  And so I don't automatically know how to handle them and they take a lot and a lot of work.  And I make a lot of mistakes.  And I wish I could do everything perfectly, and study out how to handle things, but I just don't have time. I have to learn by doing.

Several weeks back I was talking to a sister at church and mentioned that I was taking a class at the university up the street.  She looked at me kind of funny and I said, Yes, I already have a couple of degrees, but .... and then this profound realization came out of my mouth...but I know I'm missing skills and knowledge that I'd like to have for where I am and where I want to be.  And I've spent my life learning through education, so I turn to that as the answer for how to gain what's missing.  But I think God has given me opportunities to do get what I need by experience and it's probably time to realize that that's the way to learn now. 

Wow, that was a good realization and I've thought of it over and over in the weeks since then.  Wish I'd had it before I took this college class.  Saved myself the money and the time.  Okay, I've learned things from the class that I can use.  I've also learned how much I know and that I know enough to be able to learn from my experiences.  I guess that's worth something.  Actually, I know it's worth a lot.  So I don't completely regret taking the class.  (I am still very, very ready to be done, but that's not really the point of this post.)

To clarify: this is not to downplay the value of education, AT ALL.  I love education, what I consider a short cut to knowledge and even some wisdom. As well as it's own type of experience.  This is just Ruth recognizing that the there are other ways of learning and that I need to embrace them right now.

I can see that right now I've been given a lot to be able to grow and learn from experience.  So even though I make a lot of mistakes, while I try to juggle so many new, grown up responsibilities, I'm hanging on to a trust in the Lord that He's helping me become what He needs me to be.  I just keep repenting, trying to glean as I go, and keep going.

If you're wondering what I'm doing, let's do a quick run down.  I'm a supervisor at work, with a team of 7 other people (and working with a team of 4 other supervisors--plus a lot more around me).  I'm serving in the stake Primary presidency (even though this is my second stake presidency calling, it's quite different and I never really got the hang of the first one anyway).  I'm the president of the board of directors for my condo association.  Until last week I was also a shift coordinator at the temple (which means I was responsible to orchestrate all the sisters running the temple for one Saturday morning each month).  I am also taking a college class, which is the one thing I'm pretty expert at, though a bit rusty; but that's going to end soon. It's a lot of adult-ness.  A lot, I tell you.

What keeps me going is this trust that the Lord is teaching me, even though I'm mostly in a haze, often doing hard things or feeling sad because I've done the "wrong" thing again, or sometimes just wondering what in the world I am doing, as I muddle through.   I'm sure I'll emerge (someday I must emerge, right?) and see that I've learned just as surely as I would studying a college program.  Meanwhile, I've found and enjoyed this scripture:

"That they themselves [not a case study they learn about] may be prepared,

 and that my people may be taught more perfectly, 

and have experience, 

and know more perfectly concerning their duty and the things which I require at their hands."

And have experience.  I like it.  And I'm really thankful to be learning through experience.  Enjoying mortality the way it was meant to be! :) 

Oh, that scripture is Doctrine & Covenants 105:10