Aching Heart

A lot of things have made my heart ache lately, but two events really stand out. Note that I said ache; this is not a broken heart or even a distressed one. It's just a sad one.

I
On Thursday past I returned to NW Arkansas. Before I came back, I cut the ties, burned the bridges to the area and it's a good thing because NW Arkansas welcomed me back with wide-open arms. It was an absolutely gorgeous day. Gorgeous. Blue sky, bright sunshine, warm weather, birds singing (I saw lots of robins and even a blue bird), rivers sparkling, etc. I went walking on my favorite trail and soaked in the day. And remembered the wonderful experiences I've had. Also remembered the amazing winter (full of days like this) that I had my special year in Arkansas a few years ago. Altogether, my heart ached. I have loved it here. I love people everywhere I go, but there are some special places that I also fall in love with and this is definitely one of them. It was so pretty I even stopped to dangle my feet in the water and then finish my walk barefoot. Oh, Arkansas, I will miss you.

II
On Saturday I went to OKC to work at the temple one last time. Because I'm still being trained, I learned several new things, which made it that much harder to say good-bye. Also, I was the only sister Spanish speaker so was very needed that day. It's hard for me to leave places where I'm genuinely needed. During the Spanish session, when I finally had time to sit and think, I just cried. I've loved working there and don't feel like I got enough time. And I love the OKC temple, my temple. I'm sure I'll be a temple worker again, but I doubt it will be there. And it made me sad.

Good-bye can be so hard. And yet, and yet, I can't help but remember over and over and over:

"Parting is the price of meeting."

And I'll say good-bye a million times since if it's the price I have to pay for living.


Are you asking the same question many people asked at church: Where are you going?
Answer: I don't know where I'm going. I just know where I need to leave. I'm taking the faith-full step into the dark and I'll let you know what comes. My great wisdom that came to me a few days ago was this:

Sometimes we must be willing to leave the present before God can show us the future.

That probably adds to the aching heart. But, can I just say, I feel the Spirit so strongly and have no doubt that I'm doing what I need to right now. And, honestly, that's exciting!