White Girl

Background: It's not essential to know the background in order to understand the point of the post, but I think it'll help you appreciate my excitement.

There have been a lot of times in my life when I'm the only white girl around. I usually don't realize it until something (maybe someone, more likely a photo) draws my attention to it. Because really, looking from my eyes out, I don't see a white girl. I was the only white girl on my HS volleyball team--and only when the season was almost over and I saw a team picture did I realize what others saw when we walked into a gym.  Similarly, I remember once on my mission looking around at a room full of people and realizing I was the only white woman there and one of 3 white people total.  So strange. 

I'm not real big into tans. If it comes, fine.  But I don't go out of my way to get one.  One, because you usually have to get hot to get one and who wants to be hot? [well, that's changed some after this Boston winter, but having grown up in the South, it's generally something I try to avoid.] Second, and probably more importantly, I've had some horrific experiences with sunburn. I won't go into graphic detail but suffice it to say that the worst (of many bad) experiences included up to 2nd degree burns on my back and shoulders, hours in a cold tub, wearing my swimsuit for days because I couldn't put on anything else and lot more awfulness. If I happen to get some tan in my activities--great. But I generally do things that avoid it happening.


Okay, so with that brief bit of information, let's proceed to the current story.  (Complete with pictures, because my computer is back!!)

Back in May my friend Nelly asked me to be her bridesmaid. Of course I said yes (and then proceeded to volunteer to make dresses--which are done and they'll get their own story later).  A week or two later Nelly, Johanna (my dear friend and another bm) and I went wedding dress shopping.  We were pretty excited and took some cheering pictures in front of the store.  And that's where this story starts.  This photograph:

I saw this picture and suddenly remembered: I'm white.  Now, I've come to grips with this fact. I accepted it many years ago.  And while it might not have been the color I would have chosen were I given a choice--it is what it is.  I love my family I was born to, I love my body, and if being white comes with those--then it's what I am.  But, look at me--I am pasty, scary white!! (tangent: looking through the hundreds of photos I just downloaded--no wonder I'm so white.  Months worth of pictures in sweaters and big winter coats)  And I also realized, with a bit of a sickening feeling: I am the only white person in this wedding party.  The only one. I can't help that I'm white, but let me tell you: before these wedding photos come along, I will not be translucent anymore. And so, a resolution was made.

And when Ruth makes a resolution, it happens.

The wedding is in a week and I am tanner than I have been since I was a young child.  Since I learned to read, probably.  (Some parts of my arms were probably tanner on my mission, but considering the rest of me, that wasn't anything to celebrate).

I tried to find a picture to illustrate this. Here's the latest that can give you some idea.  (I'm the one in front in the pink shirt. Please ignore everything except the color of my skin.)

 

Am I the brownest person on the face of the planet? Nope. Never going to be. I still use my 45 spf sunscreen, wear my big hat when I remember to bring it, and try to stay out of the heat when it's hot. But I do have a tan. And when we take wedding pictures I will not become invisible because I blend in with the white and light (very light) pink dresses.

And yes, I am proud of this. Ridiculous.