Application

If you haven't read it already, go back and read yesterday's post before this. You need it as context for this one.

For the past 2 1/2 months I've had a car. Two months I had Irena's (my visiting teachee) while she was in Croatia (her home).  Then, a week before she came home, I got Lindsay's (former roommate) for the time she's in India. It has been a huge blessing!  Anyway, having a car changes a lot of habits. One is what ideas I'm exposed to. Instead of reading and listening to people (bus) or just thinking (bike), I listen to NPR or Irena's awesome Savior of the World soundtrack or something else. For Lindsay's car, I pulled out my last installment of General Conference CDs--Fall 2008. 

On Tuesday I spent 6 hours driving and so I listened to Conference part of the time (I can only think so much--even when my mind is running in crazy circles). I listened to Elder Wirthlin's talk, "Come What May, and Love It".  (I miss him, by the way. Definitely one of my life-defining teachers.)  The talk made an impact back in 2008 and I've certainly thought of it often since.  But it spoke to me deeply, again. So much so that I listened to it 3 or 4 times that day. Well, both for its impact and for the feeling that I should listen again (um, does that sounds worrisome? does to me). I also reheard Elder Bednar's Part 2 Prayer talk, when he explains the principle of counseling with the Lord--including asking for help in the morning prayer and expressing thanks for the little bits of help we receive as answer (not getting angry, etc. etc.).   Both of those talks felt strong enough that I mentally tried to memorize the key points.

Elder Wirthlin's first point is to Laugh. When you want to cry, laugh. Find the humor in things.  Right after I heard this on Tuesday, a rock jumped up and cracked Lindsay's windshield. Awesome. :) I guess the timing is something to laugh about.

Anyway, on Wednesday, after my crying spell, I was texting a friend. I was updating her on another part of the day, and her response was this: "Phew. You're doing great, Ruth. I'm proud of you my friend. Hugs :)"  As I texted her back, "You would've been especially proud if you'd seen me crying my eyes out in the elevator with a bunch of strangers. Boy were they uncomfortable. Poor people. :)",  finally, I started to see the humor. I still don't find it amusing that my scissors were taken from me.  But the subsequent crying spell makes me laugh now. And that has now been told a few times.  

So, here's the rest of the story, told from my new perspective.

When I realized that he was going to take the scissors, I felt the tears rising. And I decided, I didn't care. I was going to just cry. Why do we have to hide emotions? Not this time. (I already explained this, I know.) so I cried. I cried while I put my boots back on, while the two (male) security guards awkwardly stood there and said nothing (I suspect they thought I must be pregnant or something--it was (or appeared to be, anyway) just a pair of scissors!).  Then, through my tears, I asked them where I was supposed to go. Like they knew!  Anyway, I managed to sputter out enough of an explanation that they could tell me to take the elevator to the 3rd floor. The elevator was right beside them, so they got to enjoy my tears for another couple of minutes while the (slow) elevator came.

But my favorite part came next. As I got on a couple of other guys ran up (should note that every person I interact with in this situation was a man. which makes it more awkward. For them. hehe). Suddenly, we're on an elevator together--and you know how people generally stand around an elevator, awkwardly trying to ignore each other?  Well, this time they were gifted with one of the other strangers being a woman who is obviously crying her eyes out. Talk about awkwardly trying to ignore!  The more I remember this, the funnier it is to me.  Really, poor men!  (Made more random by the fact that I was obviously coming in crying; people leave crying, but don't usually come in.)  

And it got better. At the second floor, another guy got on. He seriously paused for a fraction of a second, after his first step, as he realized I was there crying. 

And finally, I got to the office where I was going and rang the bell to get in (why didn't I stop to collect before? I don't know. I just didn't care anymore.). The man expecting me opens it while saying, "You must be Ruth..." Pause as he takes me in. "Are you alright?"  
I told him I would be, that security took my scissors, etc. and stopped my crying while he looked all over for a box of tissues. I pulled myself together, blew my nose, and wiped the mascara off. 
And it was okay.
Though I don't imagine he'll forget that beginning for a long while to come.

Oh yes, and when I left almost 3 hours later, I went to the bathroom. And sure enough, there was still mascara all over my cheeks. Which meant he sat there and talked to me for all that time, me looking like I had black eyes.   :)  I love it!


As I sent D the text later on, I suddenly saw the humor in all this. And I laughed. I kept laughing a few minutes later when I missed the bus I'd been waiting for for 20 minutes, because I was reading the schedule wrong and decided to take a quick walk, right as the bus must have come and left.

As the humor broke through (in a still difficult situation, for other reasons), I gave thanks for God helping me to apply what I'd been taught and for his grace coming to help me see with different eyes. And I thought of both of the talks from yesterday. And had eyes to see how blessed I am.

I also remembered another of E. Wirthlin's points, "understand the principle of compensation," as I yearned with all my soul for my mother. I wanted her, really, really wanted her multiple times in the past 36 hours. I wanted to tell her these stories. I wanted her to hold me and tell me it was okay. I need her! But Elder Wirthlin's voice, teaching what is TRUTH, echoed through my head and heart, and I know the compensation will be more than worth it.

I am infinitely grateful for living apostles who reveal truth!!  What millions have yearned for, I have at my fingertips. SO blessed!  Life is good!