A few days ago, while sorting through boxes of old letters, I came across the stash of fall 2008. That summer I had interned with the Battered Immigrant Project in Charlotte, and then I was back in a BYU ward. My mail pile was full of cards, letters, family photos, and other expressions of love and appreciation.
Wham, it really impacted me. Gratitude for that time, but a little bit of sadness for now. No direct client representation. My work, my choices affect some lives, but the people don't even know I exist. And church and community don't express love and appreciation like those ones (clients, ward, law school).
A lot of thoughts bouncing around. I've tried to sort them. But a few days have gone by and I still don't know what I want to write. Or what exactly I'm feeling.
However, today during church I put together a lot thoughts and decided to use the blog for a reporting forum for a few weeks. Each day I want to record something I've done to help someone. Since few people read this I feel comfortable with that. I think.
Part of that is to help me focus on making sure I do serve. But as I've thought today (and I drove a lot of hours, so I thought a lot) I've realized another aspect. I think I need to recognize what I actually do. At least some of it. Because I don't get feedback, I don't feel like I'm doing anything. But I don't think that's true. I just don't stop to think about most of it.
In my desire to be humble, to be truly Christlike, it feels wrong to count my good deeds. Which isn't really what I'm doing, but I'm still not sure I'm okay with this. We'll see. But I feel like it would be good to give a little accounting of a least one good thing. To make sure I actually am serving, but also to help me see it.
By recording, I provide an opportunity for the Spirit to confirm that my offering is acceptable... even if I don't get thank notes and family photos.
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