Sometimes I have a million things I want to write about. And sometimes I'm so busy there's just no way. And then sometimes, like tonight, I have time and inclination. But not a thing coming to my mind. All the things I've thought over the past weeks (they've been full, and rich and wonderful) are gone and I'm blank. So I'm doing more of a free write.
Yesterday I went to the chiropractor. A first for me, you can be sure. He told me how tight the tension was in my upper back.
I know. It always is.
And I thought how I wished I was rich and could get a massage every week. And on the heels of that came the reminder that I am rich. Not only in all the wonderful ways God blesses me, but also monetarily. Beyond my wildest dreams. Not others' wildest dreams, mind you, just mine. And it made me cry to remember. And to ache with a lot of feelings. Including wishing I could make others' lives easier somehow.
Tonight I worked a few minutes on my room (an ongoing saga that involves trying to dejunk and organize and sudden changes in my household and other stuff). I was winding yarn back into skeins and folding fabric scraps and thinking....I wish I had time to be creative. To sew or knit or make something. But why not? I've let go of many things that filled my time. Why do I always have to fill my life with community events and meetings and classes? Why can't I stay in my own home and create and just do things that make me happy? I know the main answer to that: because there's no one here to serve, so I feel guilty just wasting my life away with me, not helping the world be a better place. I know, it's not necessarily logical and I don't think it's doctrinally sound, but sometimes my thinking is warped. Just is.
So even though I'm not starting a quilt or mending or working on my pie crust skills, I am writing. Starting again. Maybe I'll start blogging and documenting my homemaking/creating efforts. Or my dreams materializing. If anyone reads this in the next few weeks and has a quote or personal thought to motivate me, I'd love to hear it!
2 comments:
My first thought: I am sure there are many others who could benefit from your creativity, whether it be me reading about how to quilt or make a pie crust, or friends in Vermont who could come enjoy it with you or learn from you!
My second though: I am reminded of this quote by President Uctdorf:
“Creation brings deep satisfaction and fulfillment. We develop ourselves and others when we take unorganized matter into our hands and mold it into something of beauty. …
“The more you trust and rely upon the Spirit, the greater your capacity to create. That is your opportunity in this life and your destiny in the life to come.”
—Dieter F. Uchtdorf, “Happiness, Your Heritage,” Nov. 2008 general conference
I think the Lord wants you to help yourself enjoy life as much as He wants you to help others. I need to take this advice myself!
Thanks, Meg. I've thought much about Pres. Uchtdorf's teachings -- but hadn't taken time to actually re-read any of his words. And I appreciate your others thoughts too. I have felt such joy and excitement even thinking about taking time for "myself" to create and read again. Fruits of the Spirit; I'm going to assume it's a path the Lord wants me to take. So stay tuned!
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