A sense of loss

Last night I was in a family fireside listening to (great) Aunt Fern talk about my great, great grandfather. She ended with journal entries about his death, incidentally. During this Mother called . And called and called. I knew she knew I was at the fireside, so I figured something was up. Went out to call and see - scared something was wrong with someone in my family. So my first reaction to hearing about President Hinckley's death was relief. I much prefer 97 year-old President Hinckley dying to my 15 year old brother, or my father or anyone else.
Since that first moment of relief and then numbness about it all I've had many moments where tears have welled up. I felt slightly confused - it wasn't exactly a surprise, why do I cry? I couldn't quite put into words what I felt until my first law class this morning when one of my teachers said it for me.
He said, When I heard about President Hinckley's passing, I felt a great sense of loss.
Yes, that's it exactly. Not of tragedy - it is not a tragedy for a 97-year old man to die who has lived a wonderful life. Who told us recently he felt like "the last leaf on the tree". Who missed he wife he loved so much and is now reunited with. No, not a tragedy, not even really sadness. But definitely a sense of loss. We've lost something the has been a precious and important part of our lives. And things will be different.
But, there again, my good professor helped. He related briefly his feelings when President McKay died - the only prophet he'd known his whole life. It seemed impossible anyone else could be the prophet. But the Spirit came and renewed its witness of other chosen servants.
And it will for each of us, if we seek it.
Again, thinking about the "sense of loss, but not of tragedy" I feel a new understanding for the saints of Nauvoo. That death was a terrible tragedy. And a huge loss. And they did not have history to comfort them. How difficult it must have been.
And I think about the people I taught on my mission. I pray they have testimonies of prophets and of personal confirmation - not just of President Hinckley. Knowing he was a prophet is good. But not enough.
So, those are just a few thoughts. I could reflect on things he did and taught us - but we'll hear plenty of that. And you know, anyway. Really, like anyone who touches our lives, the best way to honor is to live what we've been taught.
I just want to say I love President Hinckley. I received several, very specific, strong promptings that he was truly God's living prophet. That knowledge is not just part of the fruits of the whole thing, but came as an individual, essential witness. I know it as well as I know that I exist. But just as specifically I can remember the Sunday afternoon, my freshman year of college when I was teaching about Jacob 5 when the Spirit came with such force to witness to me that Jesus Christ - not men or women, not leaders or missionaries, not even the prophets and apostles - but Jesus Christ himself leads this church. He does, I know he does. And he chooses servants to serve as messengers from him for us. Because of that knowledge I know everything is fine. He will continue to call prophets and apostles and this earth will be prepared for Christ to come again. I imagine President Hinckley's role in that preparation will continue. So will President Monson's and the other brethren. And so will ours. Until that beautiful day, when we can all witness the Savior's return once again.