Direction

I keep thinking I'm going to write a blog about the latest and greatest developments in my life. But it hasn't happened.  And it's been over a week.  So, instead of writing a post geared to you all, I'm going to copy and paste the email that I sent to my Boston peeps (roommates,visiting teaching circle, home teacher, bishop, etc.).  It will give you the main ideas and maybe I'll write more later.  Here it is:



After a weekend of reading books about sporting games and figures, I've been thinking I needed a press conference so I can tell everyone simultaneously.  :)  Fortunately we live in an age where I can do that through an email.


Short version:  This past week I decided to completely switch directions in my legal career.  Instead of focusing on immigration law, I am planning on pursuing something in the area of estate/probate law (wills, trusts, etc.).  It's a big change, there's a lot to do and I am SO excited. 

Medium version:
It has now been 2.5 years since I realized that I didn't want to do what I thought I wanted to do with my legal degree.  During those years I have looked at dozens of different options, trying to figure out what I did want to do.  I also knew that I needed to have a job so I kept trying to get one, mostly in the area of immigration because that's where I had experience and I liked things about it and that's what I knew, so why not?  But I can't tell you how many jobs I applied for that prayed I wouldn't get or interviews that I sat in with a sick, sick feeling in my stomach and hoped they wouldn't work out.  And then, of course, there was the job I actually did and every day I felt worse and worse and worse as I made commitments and got further into it.  It was all awful.  But the most awful part was not knowing what I wanted!!.  I can't count how many times I said to myself or other people--the problem is not not having a job, it is that I don't know what I want!!  

Well,  I do know what I want now.  And it feels simply wonderful.  I'm grateful for revelation and for agency and for God caring about me and being involved in my life.  So grateful.  And I'm so happy to be so happy.

I can explain what I want in basically three parts:

I) Most importantly I want to be able to work with the International Center for Law and Religion Studies, housed at BYU's law school.  Since this is the medium version, I won't go in to all that entails, but suffice it to say that I worked with the center as a student and I love the work they do.  Being part of that work really fulfills a huge percentage of my spiritual, scholarly and career goals.  So much I could say on that, but if you want to know, you can ask.    The work I do and will do for the center is volunteer work, so what it doesn't fulfill is the need to support myself financially.

II) I love immigrants and helping them.  However, for a few years now I have been very troubled by making them the basis of my economic well-being.  I don't like public interest immigration work because it limits who I can help.  But I also don't like private immigration work because I'm depending on a living from many people who have very little temporally. I want to help, I don't want to charge.  Still can't support myself.

III) So, I clearly need another area of law that can support me financially and still make me happy.  Once I came to this solid conclusion, the next step was easy.  In law school I loved estate law.  Loved it.  I've tried through the years to combine it with immigration law; I looked at public interest jobs that did estate planning as part of their practice. [I had a friend in law school--older, so she acted kind of like my mom--who used to tell me that one of these days I was going to come to my sense and realize that I was meant to do estate planning. She was right (sort of).  If only I had listened to Jennifer Warburton, I could have saved myself a lot of trouble!  And missed out on a lot of growth and learning.]

I don't have experience in this area of law, so there's a lot to do. And I've started. And I'm having fun.  Trainings, contacts, re-doing my resume, etc.  If you know anyone in this field, do let me know; I may be asking you more specific things about that in the future.

One little, "logical" corner of my mind says, "If you couldn't find a job in the area of law where you have experience and the field is growing and vibrant, how are you going to find a job in a area where you have no experience and people are cutting back because of financial issues?"  And the resounding answer from the rest of my mind and soul says, "Because this is right."  I know it is.  I cannot tell you how right it is.  Which I know does not mean it will be easy. But that's okay. I don't mind working, I just needed to know what I was working toward.  And I know now.  And I am so incredibly happy.