Life

So, it turns out that I should have focused on the food storage instead of the 72-hour survival kit. On Friday my boss came in and told me that he was going to have to let me go, so I am currently jobless.

I felt really awful for him, but also grateful that he finally did it. Because he'd needed to for awhile. The office is really struggling financially. Our clients don't have jobs and therefore paying their bills isn't a priority, which in turn means we can't make ends meet, etc. Poor Mr. Roy, he told me that he'd "cut off his right arm if it'd let [him] keep [me]." But since we all know it doesn't work that way, I'm free again. Everyone else in the office is pretty hard hit as well and it's been kind of hard. Well, more than kind of.

Anyway, I'm doing okay. Not having a job, in and of itself, isn't so much of a concern for me. I'm sure I'll find something. Or I'll just go live at home for awhile. Or whatever. Things are fine that way.

What is hard for me is that the job served as a buffer for my real problem--I don't have a clue what I want to do with my life and it's pretty depressing for me. For 15 years now I've struggled to find that out and I feel like I'm no closer than I was when I was in junior high. Which probably isn't true--I'm probably closer. But I'm sure not there. And that's hard for me.

Anyway, for the first day I felt relieved and free. Next day tried not to think about it as I enjoyed an amazing day working in the temple (like, I am an ordinance worker now, working!!). Sunday, woke up all happy and peaceful and then melted into a few hours of tears. Went to church and drug myself through my many houred day of meetings, church, choir. Came home and cried some more with my mother. Very grateful for her love and support. Sorry to make her cry so she had a headache too.

Today, after being informed by said mother that I was selfish to not let other people help me, I went and talked to the Relief Society president (and later branch president too). If nothing else, I wanted her to know that she may be losing a counselor. They are very business like people and got right into action trying to help me find a job (like my father and mother before them had suggested I do; only my parents suggest, the B's tell me what to do). And at least now I have lots of tasks (in addition to the ones I'd already listed for myself) to keep my busy.

Really, that still doesn't solve my underlying problem. But oh well, sometimes I don't get what I want and at least looking for a job will keep me busy so I don't have time to worry about that fact that I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up.

And, in case you're wondering. Last Monday I paid rent and went grocery shopping for a month so I have a house and food for the rest of November and will stay around at least that long. I also have a few days' worth of work that I want to do before I leave, so I'll be working at least part time. And Mr. Roy told me several times to please feel free to use the office as long as a want, so I have internet, fax and phone service for as long as I need.

Okay, I think that's about it. :)